The biggest Reader’s Choice Poll in Fiction Vortex history has officially closed, and it’s time to reveal the winner. Unfortunately, the goblin accountant’s union is on strike, so we’ve had to rely on technology to tabulate the votes. So no, we haven’t been certified by the Bureau of Speculative Middle Management, but what we lack in authenticity we make up in enthusiasm. When performing complex tasks in an unfamiliar profession, a big smile goes a long way.
You have waited patiently, dear readers, and now you shall be rewarded with a choice and a complimentary dragon egg. However, due to a problem with shipping, we only have the choice to offer you right now. But rest assured that it’s a doozy. It’s time for you to pick the best story of 2013.
Don’t faint. You can handle this.
In our excitement for the upcoming Best of 2013 Reader’s Choice Poll, we completely forgot to announce the winner of the December Reader’s Choice Poll. We’re about to rectify that. Just as soon as we beat back this infestation of wyrms. Oh, and we’ve got to bake those faerie cakes before the full moon. And we promised that ghoul we’d help him blood-proof his kitchen for easier cleanup after meals. And … you know what, why don’t we just announce the winner first.
You’re probably tired of making choices at this point; you just spent the last month worrying about getting a thoughtful but reasonable present for your parents, and you’re wishing that adulthood wasn’t so hard … and expensive. I get it. But just stick with me for a little longer, here. We need you to cast your vote in the Reader’s Choice Poll. As soon as you tell us your favorite story from December 2013, it’s over. You can jump directly into choosing the right New Year’s resolution that won’t be too devastating when you break it.
Whoops, I probably shouldn’t have mentioned that.
‘Tis the season to be freaked out about how many people you still need to buy gifts for. So distract yourself from the consumerist guilt and spend some time being jealous of the person who won the Reader’s Choice Poll for November 2013. It’s the holiday spirit!
Rise up, fair readers, and make your voice heard. The time of reckoning has come. We don’t know what that means exactly, but we reckon it’s time for you to vote on your favorite story from the November issue. And the best part is that the rising up thing is optional! Thanks to the wonders of modern technology, you can now make your voice heard from the comfort of your own seat.
The votes are in, and the goblin accountants are finished tabulating the results. We now know the exact ratio of Fiction Vortex readers who prefer chocolate to vanilla. Oh, and the goblins also said they know who won the October 2013 Reader’s Choice Poll. Now, to make things truly egalitarian, we’ll have a poll so you can vote on which results you’d rather hear.
I’ve just been informed that there was no poll about chocolate preferences. I’m sorry to disappoint you, but we’ll just have to go with the results of the Reader’s Choice Poll for today.
The last of the horror-themed stories has clawed its way to the top of the gore heap that is our October issue. Now it’s your turn to sift through the carnage and decide which story deserves your fear and/or favor … whichever is more important to you.
There’s nothing like a good fight, especially when it takes place far away from our puny bodies. Which is why it was so much fun to watch September’s Reader’s Choice Poll play out within the confines of our gnome-powered servers. We didn’t have to clean up any blood, and there was only one report of injury to someone’s clicking finger. Good show, everyone!