004) Make Halloween A National Holiday

Last week I wrote my first review on Stephen King’s The Long Walk.

I had intended on making this week’s post my first review on my favorite Horror magazine: Cemetery Dance, but that’ll have to wait til next week… you see, something with a pressing due date came up.

WHERE I FOUND THIS AWESOME IDEA

I’m sure you won’t be surprised to learn my Facebook feed is flooded with Horror-related interweb nuggets. As a Horror reader & author, I have to admit that the speed & accuracy of the stuff that pops up there as they relate to my real-life interests is genuinely creepy. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve written an email or private message & casually mention a particular company or product then, WHAM!, 6 hours later there it is being advertised on my newsfeed.

But I deal with that stuff like most of you do. I shake my head, try to ignore the constant feeling of being watched, double-check to make sure the black electrician’s tape is still securely covering my computer’s camera lens, and move on with my day.

But not all tracking programs are evil. Thanks to all the Horror-related stuff I read & post, I also get notified about stuff I’m actually interested in.

Last week I was graced with a link to an online whitehouse.gov petition which made me immediately click & sign.

I’m writing this week’s post in the hopes that you’ll join me.

Merge this…

THE PETITION

This is the petition.  The goal is to make Halloween a National Holiday.

You: Wait… it’s ISN’T already?

Me: Nope. Shocking, right? So you should click & sign. (At worst you’ll be getting a bunch

…with this!

of Halloween-related ads on your Facebook page for the next 3 months. Not great, but better than back-t0-school ads, believe you me).

There are several reasons why you should do this…

REASON #1: I’m Selfish

The preferred term is “Hallowbirthween Day”

Halloween happens to be my birthday.

(No, really)

(And, yes, my mother does still call me her ‘little pumpkin’) 

Anyway, as such, I firmly believe my birthday should be a National Holiday. Just think: I could get the day off work every time I have successfully revolved around the sun one additional time, people!!!

Let’s make this happen!

REASON #2: Money

Ok, for serious, did you realize that Halloween is the 2nd biggest commercial holiday of the year? It is!

All that candy.

All those lawn decorations.

All those slutty cat costumes.

Yep, Halloween is big money. And if there’s one thing that big money likes is when people have the time to go spend said money.

I’m not saying making Halloween a National Holiday would revitalize the economy, but it couldn’t hurt.

REASON #3: Time

Ok, ok, probably the best real reason is the time that this holiday has been taking away from the rest of life. Mostly this comes in the form of trick-or-treating and/or attending costume parties. Both take time & both have been pushed to the nearest weekend for a good decade now.

In my mind, this is sacrilege.

Halloween, after all, comes on October 31st, not The-Saturday-Closest-To-But-Not-Going-Over October 31st. I don’t know about you, but when communities “vote” to make their official trick-or-treating nights to any day other than Halloween, I revolt. I go begging for candy on the 31st anyway, ringing doorbells & feigning ignorance at each door that open, all to make the damned point that your inconvenienced life this 1 day a year is not sufficient enough reason to change how the calendar works.

REASON #4: CAMARADERIE

I hope this won the neighborhood contest.

Ok, ok… the real best reason for making Halloween a National Holiday is the only one that really matters: Camaraderie..Think of your days gone by when you & your mom or dad dressed up like cowboys or giant M&Ms & trolled the neighborhood with you.

What, no Maggie? (Still, great family bonding going on here)

Think of the joy of counting & dividing & trading your loot later that night.

Think of that one amazing party

Truly creative idea… but I wonder what his view is like all day long.

that college friend threw whose decorations were so over the top you wondered how many credit cards they maxed out for your single night of entertainment.

“Heeeeeere’s Johnny!”

Think of the photos you have stuffed in a box or stored on an old computer that proudly display that one guy with that one amazing homemade costume or that one unique party game that brought so many strangers together for one glorious night.

All those brush strokes! Wow!

Yeah. Halloween can do that.

And unlike Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, & Memorial Day, Halloween allows you the option of hanging out with family OR friends. What a bonus.

FINAL THOUGHT

One of the greats. Seriously, if you haven’t listened to John Pinette, go buy his “Show Me the Buffet” special. It’s downright quote-worthy.

Halloween is a great holiday, for Horror lovers and non-Horror people alike.

I mean, in the words of the great (and sadly, late) John Pinette: “You knock on the door & they give you candy! It doesn’t work any other day of the year! Believe me, I’ve tried!”

That concept alone warrants you should click this button & sign that petition.

Agree or disagree with any of this? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

-K. Edwin Fritz